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To someone who does not know anything about the BDSM subculture, who is not turned on by the thought of restraint or selective pain, or any of the fetishes that are embraced within that world, it can seem slightly alarming to learn that so many people are into — even in a small way — the world of BDSM.

But it is one of the safer ways to have a sexual adventure should boredom with the plain and normal ever strike!

Of course, there are also many people who are drawn to these more extreme preferences as it is simply in their nature to be.

It is nothing to be ashamed of, nor to be proud of: our desires and preferences simply are what they are. Twelve per cent of women and up to twenty-two per cent of men reported feeling a surge of lust, sexual curiosity, or even desire at hearing of or watching sadomasochistic play unfold.

Interestingly, there is said to be a higher percentage of interest in BDSM practises within the LGBT world — although the links are tenuous and not yet confirmed by research.

It is also important to note that BDSM is not a single line in the sand, and that once you have crossed it you have to always adhere to BDSM practises.

On the contrary, you can take just one element of kink, as it is called, and add it to your normal routine — or you can go the whole hog and fully immerse yourself in Fifty Shades of Wow.

Research into the broad arena of BDSM practises has tended so far to focus on male-female relationships, mainly because of the discrimination and even legal persecution faced by LGBT people just trying to enjoy normal relationships: no one wanted to bring down even more opprobrium onto their own heads!

However, same-sex relationships are, broadly speaking, widely accepted and research into BDSM practises within the LGBT community is currently underway.

There are three main components to BDSM: bondage and discipline, sadism-masochism, and submission-domination, the latter often shortened to sub-dom.

It is possible for a person to enjoy performing on both sides of the equation, being dominant on one occasion, but submissive on another — these people are known as switches, and they are fairly rare.

Let us take a closer look at the BDSM world:. Much as it sounds, this is when one partner enjoys being restrained and controlled , either physically or verbally, by the other.

Bondage is often erotic and sensual, but the bondage session itself is often satisfying of its own right, without the need for sexual gratification to accompany it.

Of course, there are always exceptions to this, and people who are new to the practise often try it out as a form of new and exciting foreplay. Bondage, specifically, refers to the physical restraint part, and can take the form of being tied up with ropes, handcuffed, or suspended in a constrained positions.

Often there is an aesthetic element to bondage: the body must be in a particular formation, or the ropes should make an attractive design — this is seen especially in Japanese Kinbaku , where the aesthetics of the session is one of the more important elements.

The more dominant partner — the one doing the disciplining — can make demands of the other partner such as: going without underwear, wearing fetish clothing under everyday clothing, performing certain actions at certain times, all while apparently having a normal work or leisure day.

More often, though, discipline is face-to-face, and happens during a session, often combined with bondage — hence the pairing of the terms, even though they can be quite separate from each other.

It must be stressed that masochists do not like just any pain , for example, suffering a broken leg or sprained wrist will not delight them any more than it would the man on the street.

No, the pain enjoyed by a masochist needs to be applied to a specific area of the body, under certain circumstances, and often needs to be inflicted by a unique instrument too.

This distinction can be hard to understand by someone who sees all pain as being unpleasant and to be avoided at all costs, but it is an important one to understand.

Likewise, there is a difference between sexual sadism and psychopathic sadism. The latter tend to have no empathy, and enjoy causing pain because they find the reaction it elicits is entertaining.

The pain inflicted and enjoyed during a sadomasochistic session will usually be agreed upon beforehand.

People may desire the pain to be on a certain body part, or to be inflicted with a certain weapon, and it is a real connection when the masochist and the sadist both want the same thing!

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Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Type keyword s to search. Rituals : This is the term for any action that is done regularly to reinforce the power exchange between two partners.

Service-oriented submission : This type of submission is focused not on receiving pain but on performing acts of service. Examples include: holding her cigar, shining her shoes, making her drinks, serving as her table, etc.

Consensual non-consent involves a submissive allowing his partner to force him to do things that he may or may not want at that time. It can be used to increase fear or anxiety, but also to reinforce the experience of surrendering all control.

Blindfolds : This is any type of covering for eyes. It can be as elaborate as specialty leather mask or as simple as your own tie.

Gags : This is any type of material that can be stuffed safely into a mouth and secured. Gags that fill the mouth like ball gags end the ability to speak, while others like scarves tied around a head and wedged between a teeth are better if the submissive is allowed to mumble some responses.

There are other gags that hold the mouth open as well just as spider and ring gags. This is often best when used with blindfolds to make the submissive completely unable to predict your next move.

Mummification : This is the wrapping of a submissive in some material until all parts of his body are trapped together like a mummy.

Total immobilization for torturing pleasure! Tickle torture : This is a type of sensory play because it transforms a perhaps pleasant experience of being tickled into utter agony.

The submissive may try to fight back, but using some kind of bondage will ensure the fun ends when Mistress decides. Pouring melting wax onto a submissive is a very versatile activity because distance can be used to tease the submissive and proximity can enhance the heat.

Where you choose to drip the wax is also important. A cruel Mistress can drip wax directly onto the genitals and laugh while you scream!

Ice can be very cooling and sensual, or it can cause shivers or pain when applied over sensitive spots. Clothespins : What makes clothespins an excellent toy, in addition to cost-effectiveness, is that they hurt coming on and coming off!

Pinch the skin, place a clip, and let it stay for a little while. Shortly after the clip has been placed, the skin in the pinchers will go numb. Flick the clip and it will affect the skin around it.

Remove the clip and blood will rush back, causing a painful sensation. This can be used to create fear of harsh punishment without having to ever actually cause pain or deny the submissive permission to orgasm when he wants it most.

Medical play : Medical themed role play often involving realistic medical instrument such as a stethoscope, speculum, enema, bindings, etc. Electro play : Any play using elements of electricity to stimulate the senses.

Possible toys include: Eros-tek unit, neon or violet wand, bug zapper, cattle prod, stun gun, etc. Public play : Taking the darkness of your play into the daylight… candle-lit dinners with a remote controlled vibe, BDSM play parties, etc.

Maybe Mistress is really your Auntie, your Professor, or that cougar next door, or the exact opposite — a bratty bossy girl next door.

Pet play : Role play where one or both partners pretends to be an animal in order to explore power exchange.

This can include puppy play, kitty play, pony play…. Fetish play : A fetish is any sexual desire that focuses on one particular object instead of a whole scene.

Examples are: foot fetishes, latex fetishes, leather fetishes, lingerie fetishes, etc. These are two very important concepts for BDSM, and will definitely be explained more in further posts.

Bdsm For Beginners - 1. Ein guter Anfang: der BDSM-Jargon

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If you want to give your man back-arching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms that will keep him sexually addicted to you, then you'll find them in my private and discreet newsletter.

Get it here. So on and so forth. Safety is important when it comes to BDSM. More on that here. In fact, the BDSM community is so aware of these precautions that there are not one but two acronyms about safety:.

Just like traffic lights, it enables you to check in. You can pick your own safe words, but they should be relatively short and easy to remember.

To ensure a positive experience, whoever is topping should actively check in with the submissive and always, always, always heed safe words.

In some instances, such as if someone is gagged and unable to speak, a ball that can be dropped or a bell that can be rung works in place of a safe word.

There are other safety concerns aside from safe words. They could cut off circulation. Opt for a bondage materials that can easily be cut away with a medical scissors in time of emergency.

For beginners, a set of neoprene cuffs that secure with Velcro should be enough, which leads us to our next point. If you are new here, then you may want to take the assessment below to learn how good you are at giving oral sex and satisfying your man.

You may discover you that you suck pun intended or that you are already a blow job queen. Add one to your scene at a time. Then, you can add a blindfold the next time.

The butt and back of the thighs are fleshy and ideal targets, which can be a lot of fun to spank. But the back offers access to the kidneys, which could be damaged.

With longer floggers and whips, practicing on a pillow first helps increase your aim. Then, it becomes part of your dominance and submissive roleplay.

Bondage is when you tie each other up. Cuffs become extra versatile when employed with an under the bed bondage restraint system, which enables you to turn your bedroom into a bondage fantasy!

The discipline part of this acronym refers to physical and mental discipline. In terms of BDSM for beginners, it might mean:.

Of course, you know your partner best, so you know what would be an appropriate discipline. Get more ideas when you take our quiz to determine your sexual and BDSM personality.

What do we mean by that? Simply that you can engage in dominance and submission without necessarily trying one another up or inflicting pain on your man.

In fact, mental restraint and power games can be quite arousing. Best supplements for sex drive. Ice breakers are an important part of a successful first date.

Healthista spoke to Celebs Go Dating life and relationship coach Anna Williamson who reveals 11 tips.

She shares her insight into online dating and reveals five red flags to look out for. CBD may be a well known aid for stress and anxiety, but it's also great for what goes down in the bedroom As the Home Secretary faces fresh new allegations, this expert has advice on how to deal.

I agree to my personal data being stored and used to receive the Healthista newsletter. Ony Anukem Healthista Writer. What is BDSM?

How to tell whether you are a Dominant, submissive or switch? How should I tell my partner about my fantasies? And on that note … You are now ready to take what you have learnt about BDSM, spice up your sex life and most of all have fun.

Celebrity Looking for first date ice breakers? Celebs Go Dating matchmaker Anna Williamson reveals 11 tips Ice breakers are an important part of a successful first date.

Relationships Online dating? Sex 3 ways CBD can improve your sex life CBD may be a well known aid for stress and anxiety, but it's also great for what goes down in the bedroom Relationships 5 workplace bully types and exactly how to deal with them As the Home Secretary faces fresh new allegations, this expert has advice on how to deal.

Hi Aiden! Every relationship is different, but you can learn more about aftercare here. Be sure to sign up for the Dom Sub Living newsletter here for more tips and advice.

I have always kinda wanted to do this with my wife. But til recently we had a fallin through but some how bringing this to light has helped alot i have been her dom now for 3 days an i havnt seen her this happy in a long time.

She acts more as her little side. An she knows i am serious about the rules we have set an the punishments. If she does good she will be rewarded but bad has bad consequences.

But i always let her know i love her when she has to be punished. An we came up with a safe word to help with boundries.

Showing my DOM side has helped so much. Who knew it would actually help the situation i was in. Thanks :p.

You suddenly feel comfortable in your own skin, and you realize this is where you belong, this is what you were meant to do!

I would imagine if your wife is like me, she is spilling over with joy. Expect her to fall in love with you all over again, better than it even was in the beginning.

The two of you will find you morph and change and grow together every single day! Hi Chloe!

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